Anything and everything that feels good, is it right?

Before diving deeper into it, I must ask: what feels good? Is it a fixed point or is it an interplay of our current situation, mood and perceived need?

A piping hot coffee on a cold evening feels good. Keep sipping on it slowly and it feels not just good, it feels heavenly. However, how does the same cup of coffee feel in the middle of a punishingly hot summer day? Does it feel as good?

In the most rudimentary understanding of the word good, it is anything that satiates our immediate desires. It makes us feel elated by providing some sort of immediate gratification, be it physical, emotional or psychological. We also feel good when we numb our pain, fill our emptiness or forget the mess we are in. We all have our different vices, ranging from scrolling endlessly on social media apps, nibbling on a bar of chocolate that we must avoid, a puff of smoke that we should stay away from or a relationship that we should not get into. We want to feel good, even if it is temporary, even if it is by means that are going to hurt us in the long run, we still want it because for now, in this moment, it feels good.

Is it really, though?

Right is the hard choice. It is what we know we must be doing, but keep putting it off, as it requires commitment and efforts above and beyond the ordinary, much away from our comfort zone. It looks like reading a book, hitting the gym, opting for a healthy lifestyle and having people around who are not afraid to point out our mistakes when they see us putting our future in jeopardy.

Doing right is usually painful in the short run as it seems like a deduction from our current happiness. It is ugly when it begins. It is the kind of investment that leaves us apparently poorer in the present, though it ensures that we have a fuller future. But yes, it makes us feel poorer in the present and that is why it needs discipline and an absolute clarity of purpose.

Stacked against the feeling of good, that choice of right has bleak chances.

In my opinion, that is never the problem: detecting or differentiating between the good from the right. The point is, what do we do after that? The majority of us know what we are doing almost all the time. The interesting question is: what is driving our actions? Do we lack awareness of our actions? Do we lack the awareness of the consequences of our actions? Or, do we not care at all, as long as we can feel good?

A strong intellect is not what is needed to differentiate between the two, a strong moral compass is the key to picking the right over the good. The chasm between knowing and doing: making that journey, is the hard part.

I recently went down that road myself, smitten by the good. I was doing something that every fibre of my being knew wasn’t right. Yet, I kept doing it because it felt so good. Somewhere between life’s numerous and incessant assaults, I so desperately wanted to feel good that I stopped caring about doing the right thing. I knew it felt good, but it wasn’t right. I kept reminding myself of this every day. Regardless, I was not willing enough to stop. I had reasons enough to stop, the need to feel good overpowered them all.

Herein enters the vulnerability issue.

When things have been hard or when situations have been adverse for too long, or when we feel isolated or are made to feel worthless, the vulnerability heightens. Determination frails. Self-esteem dips, sense of self-preservation erodes and desperation soars. We look for a break from it all. A tiny break where we can feel good.

I wanted such a break, and unsurprisingly, life presented me with one, rather easily. Yes, feeling good can be rather easy if we stop caring about doing the right thing at all times and at all costs. It appears as if we have been ignoring the gifts of life for no good reason. All we had to do was stop being so caught up in our own rules and principles and live a little.

The reality is starkly different. Even though the right might feel like an unnecessarily complicated and expensive choice at the moment, something that requires a lot of restraint and a godly amount of discipline, it always costs substantially less than the cost emanating from the temporary feeling of good via a path that is not right. For, the good comes collecting, albeit later, but in huge proportions. Its gratification is instant, its costs deferred. Its pleasure is immediate, its pain is accrued over time. Its benefits are visible, its evils veiled.

When the good-not-right beckons us, it tempts, it tempts us hard. It drowns our inner voice in a rush of dopamine and shuts down all our mechanisms for self-preservation. It blinds us to future risks and harms. It sedates us with gratification. It strikes at the core of all our values and foundations, till we are too numb to recognise or protect them. Soon, we are too addicted to resist and the trap is complete. Then, only then, the good-not-right comes collecting, like a Grim Reaper.

Luckily, I have a reliable sounding board, an external voice of reason, who is not hesitant to even scream if the occasion demands. When I was high on the good, she insisted on pursuing the right. Had it not been for her, I would have lost myself to the lure of feeling good, ignoring the right. She was my spine when I was ready to succumb.

The path of righteousness is fraught with temptations and distractions, and we all waver more than we would like to admit. There will be times when you will question your own morals because they seem to cause you inconvenience. Your values will seem like impediments in your path to feeling good. Your identity will become a burden that you no longer wish to care about. You will crave to feel good, costs be damned.

This will happen in your life: at some time, in some way. Your self-awareness might not be enough.

It is then when you need a reliable friend the most. I’m lucky to have one.